Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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