Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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