I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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