I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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