Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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