Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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