last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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