Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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