Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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