Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
