Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
