HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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