Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
