so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
