jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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