I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
