clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
