I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
