i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
