I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
