This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
