worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
