So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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