Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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