I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
