tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
