And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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