Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
