Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
