Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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