i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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