Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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