Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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