Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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