Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
