i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
