Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
