Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i out mim tonsoeep
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