He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize