Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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