ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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