sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
