New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
