I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ok first of all what the fuck
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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