We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
