When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
