i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
