its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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