There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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