omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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