I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
