I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
