I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...