first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit