NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat