Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?