So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not