God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
