It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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