apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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