I'm lost and stupid without you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
