??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize