Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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