He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
