Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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