I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
