i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
