He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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