Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
