why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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