I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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