I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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